I’ve been waiting for the inspiration for this post since reading Joe’s of the same nature a few weeks ago, and Clayton’s just recently. But it’s quite hard to be inspired by gym climbing. While getting a job at the climbing gym is certainly one of the better choices I’ve made, agreeing to work there on Tuesdays this summer is probably the worst. Of the few days I’ve logged in the last three weeks only one was spent on the grit of stone, and a single rope allotted me only two routes, a nine and a ten. And although I’ve climbed harder routes than usual in the gym during this time, I do not feel stronger. So I am going to attempt to turn the energy feeding my destructive and growing contempt for plastic into a healthy expression of longing and reverence for real, hard rock. Two lists will follow, one will be a checklist and the other will be a wish list.
It seems that this summer is the season of the Orifice. Part of the summit crags crowning Mt. Lemmon, the Orifice forms the steep side of a monolith called the Fortress. One route A Hard Day At The Orifice (pictured many times in the posts below) seems to be capturing the sends and send attempts of nearly every climber in Tucson. Not only have my Team Tuesday compadres been frequenting this place (and getting awesome footage over which I drool), but also working at the gym this summer, not a week has passed where I haven’t overheard even the worst of gym-rats exchange beta and feelings of exaltation after climbing at the Orifice.
I have never seen the Orifice. I am the lone middle-schooler feeling left out after all of his friends have finally made it to third base with a girl, and having hardly ever kissed one, feel as though I would botch beyond belief any attempt at coitus. I should stay away, out of fear of humiliation and regret.
Nonsense! Pure Nonsense. I will get inside the Orifice, and just to reassure myself I will make it the first climb on my wish list.
MY WISH LIST
A Hard Day At The Orifice 5.12 The Fortress, Lemmon
Normal Like You 5.12 Bone Town, The Homestead
Winding, scary, vert.
Serial Driller 5.12 Sky Valley, Lemmon
According to EFR there is “not one crimp on this route”
The Wizard 5.12 Main Wall, La Milagrosa
Deviled Hands 5.11b Pancake House, Devils Canyon
Broken Rubber V6 Lower Boulders, Gates Pass
The Rails V6 Silverbell Boulders
MY CHECKLIST
No Slack At GAC 5.7 Hairpin Turn, Lemmon
Ego Donor 5.9 North Fin, Lemmon
Brush Your Teeth Before You Kiss Me 5.9 Atlantis, Queen Creek
Try it without gear for some extra spice
The Fire Inside 5.10 Sky Valley, Lemmon
Copied and pasted edges up to a big move off a layback. Very exciting.
Milk Bone 5.10a Bone Town, The Homestead
K9 Karma 5.10a Slate Nation, The Homestead
Small side pulls on a grey slab
Double Play 5.11- Sky Valley, Lemmon
Has it all, a hard slab start, strenuous underclings, and exposed laybacks. (Video and photos of this route coming soon)
Loc-Tite 5.11d The Pond, Queen Creek
These 6 bolts of pocketed vertical rock took me around an hour to climb.
There are some I am missing, no doubt, but these are the ones that refused to leave my head, and came to mind easily. Some of them make me feel warm and joyful, others instill a feeling most similar to enmity, yet different due to an element of respect for a worthy challenge. I love all these routes, and I love that living in the Old Pueblo means I am no more than 2 hours from each and every one of them.
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