The Wirth of a Man

Break out the Colt .45, get Billy Dee Williams on the phone-- tell him to open his own refreshing malt beverage of choice --and, now, pour some out for our homie Austin Wirth. He's all done with Tucson but for the leaving and the presidio and Team Tuesday in particular are going to be the lesser for it.

Austin brings a grim-eyed intensity to climbing. Before each climb he dips into his chalk bag and examines the route with his lips pressed into a thin, white line. More than one incautious climber has injured himself by looking directly at Austin when he is preparing for a climb. The intensity of his gaze travels at such high a wavelength that even brief eye contact can cause instantaneous and irreparable brain combustion. The other danger is to glimpse Austin, with chalked hands and pressed lips, standing in direct sunlight-- an aspect which can snow-blindness and macular damage after only a few seconds of exposure. The issue here is not so much that Austin is pigmentationally-challenged, but rather that his other-worldly corpus bends, reflects, and magnifies certain wavelengths of light that human beings were never meant to encounter.

When climbing with him I recommend wearing sturdy, polarized sunglasses, long sleeves, and a thick beard....

When he gets on the rock no one pushes himself harder than Austin. He is a grunting, lunging, screaming psycopath known to climb through bloody flappers and detached retinas-- even liver failure --without once backing down. When he leaves, Austin will take with him the huge, flaming barbed-wire-wrapped ventricle of the heart of Team Tuesday.

Here are some highlight's from last weeks excursion to the Wilderness of Rocks. As Joe indicated Team Tuesday crushed everything sight, and there's still plenty left to do out there for those willing to make the hike.

Now, pass me the Olde English...